her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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