I'm so fucking centered right now
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
