You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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