Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
