Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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