i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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