I want to stick my p in your. b.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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