There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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