You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
