I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
