He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
