It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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