I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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