and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
