He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize