i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
