my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
