for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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