Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
