Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
