He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
