If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
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