Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
