why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize