In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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