im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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