Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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