just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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