I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize