I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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