Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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