I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
