yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
