I showed him my bush... on skype.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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