The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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