my vag is so smooth its legendary
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize