No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
