So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
