You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
