Quick, to the slutcave!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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