take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
