When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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