You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
