OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
