There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
