sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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