My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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