spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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