You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
