my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
