He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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