he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
