How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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