I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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