fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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