you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
