if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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