bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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