We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I smell like Dick and happiness
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
