i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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