worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
