toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i would punch a child for taco bell
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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