I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
