the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
