I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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