wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
