If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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