Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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