I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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