i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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