honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
two words: eviction party
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
