4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
