you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
