i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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