She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
