you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
4 words: hood of his car
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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