take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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