i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
