Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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