I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
