I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
