Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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