that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
