Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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