ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
