Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
