i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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