I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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