it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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