so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
