ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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