Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
