So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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