I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just threw up on my dentist
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
