Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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