I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
