my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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