We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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