we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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