Cold hands, warm shart.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
