I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
