there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize