my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
