oh god the rape fog is back!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
