can u get pink eye on your cock?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
