Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
