Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
