What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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