I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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