Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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